Happy Tu B’Shvat! The absolutely iconic holiday where we celebrate the birthday of the trees! Yeah I try not to ask too many questions. White Lotus has gripped the nation by storm but you have probably already read a ton of articles about the plot, the characters, the actors… But have you read anything that compares the characters to trees?
This is an article you didn’t know you needed! Here are the spirit trees for each character from White Lotus Season 2.
Your Ultimate Guide to White Lotus Characters As Trees
Yes, this is a guide you need. And yes, I’m the expert on this topic.
Tanya
Tanya is a Weeping Willow because girlie is depressed. Jennifer Coolidge gives an unforgettable performance as a paranoid rich woman convinced that everyone is cheating on her and trying to steal her wealth (which may or may not be true).
Most importantly, she gives the audience an incomparable ugly cry which contributed to her earning a Golden Globe! Truly she is a stunning, awe inspiring Willow Tree.
Portia
Portia, Tanya’s assistant, is a wild bush, not even a tree, because she is truly “not like other girls.” Portia, who critics have called both the worst and best dressed character on TV today, is definitely caught in the crosshairs of an identity crisis. In my desperate attempts to give her a tree identity, I have no choice but to assign her a bush.
Bert, Dom, and Albie
You know how the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Bert, Dom, and Albie are no exception to this rule. In fact, they are all the same apple tree. Bert is the roots, Dom the truck, and Albie the sweet (but perhaps poisonous) apple.
Lucia
Lucia, one of the Italian prostitutes, is a Maple tree — flashy on the outside but her core is all sweet. However, it takes a lot of digging to get to that core.
Mia
Mia, Lucia’s friend and fellow prostitute, is also not a tree but a Reed. This is, of course, an homage to her musical prowess as Reeds are also used to make sounds, the same way that Mia does on the piano.
Cameron
Cameron — tall, rich, and formidable — is an Evergreen tree. He is best suitable for cold weather and offers nearly no shade. In order to make him tolerable, he must be brought inside and decorated in lights and even then, it’s unluckily you’ll keep him around for more than a month.
Daphne
Daphne, his wife, is his polar opposite — incompatible in every way. Thus she is a Palm tree. She is best suitable for friendly, warm climates, and offers lots of shade and support. Careful though, get on her bad side, and she’ll drop a coconut right on your head!
Ethan and Harper
Ethan and Harper, Cameron and Daphne’s friends (who may just follow in their footsteps) are Evergreen saplings and Palm Tree saplings respectively. We don’t know exactly what they will grow into, but based on the company they hang around, we know it can’t be good.
Valentina
Grumpy, prickly and in desperate need of a hug, Valentina is a cactus. She’s unapproachable now, but show her some kindness and she may just bloom into desert flowers.